Webby summons a genie

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I were settin in Market Place last wik.

I gu there to contemplate the big questions in life such as why is it that yu nose runs but your fate smell? The spider who lives in a computer...duzz ‘e ‘ave a web site? That sorta thing.

I were gerrin ready to goo ‘om when Webby tonned up. 
I were t’slow.

In a flash ‘e were on bench pickin’ ‘is way through a quarter o’ coconut mushroms.

I wouldn’t ‘a minded but thi were still in me pocket.

“Budge up youth,” ay said an’ ‘e plonked down on bench. It were at this point that I spotted ay ad a dog.

“Ow long you ‘ad a dog?” I axed.

“Ever sin me ferret dade.”

“Ow long did ya ave ferret?”

“Till I gorra dog.”

To be raight, I’d rather be at ‘om wi’ missus than wi’ Webby an’ that’s sayin’ summat.

I did think at one time that ‘e were stalkin’ me.

Every time I tonned round aid be there.

It got to stage were I’d wek in naight thinkin’ ‘e were in bed wimmee.

Turned out to be Missus an’ she ant ‘ad a shave.

“Wave just bin forra wok. Ad shock o me life,” Webby sed.

“We were minding are business when I tripped ovver a lamp.

Scruffy lookin’ thing, rate dotty, so I took me ‘an’kerchief art and gev lamp a gud rub. Then there’s this flash and bang and this genie tonns up. Nigh frit me to death.

Any’ow, ay says ‘I can gi’ya a wish’.

I were a bit smotravelled be all this burra a blurted art “mek me dog win Crufts”.

Genie took a look at Cloughie – that’s dogs name – an ay pulled a rate face.

“Webby, that might be outside my range of expertise.You see Cloughies only got arf a tale, ‘alf is teeth is missing, ays only got one lugole and thray legs. It’s impossible. Pick summat else.”

Well I were rate befuddled. Me mind went blank. Then it it me.

“Genie,” I said “get Forest to win Premier League.”

Genie went all serious an ‘e pulled hisself up to his full ite. Ay raised his ams above is napper an then ay sed: “Let’s ay another look at that dog.”